Change writ large on Buffalo Park’s scoreboard, and grass banks

“They were amazing. We know people want to come and see good cricket, and cricket is also a party in the Caribbean.” – Shai Hope on the Buffalo Park crowd.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

A sizeable chunk of the membership of the Buffalo Club was not happy. How dare Border cricket decide to put up a new scoreboard? And so impede the members’ view of the Indian Ocean, which they could see lapping onto Eastern Beach from their clubhouse’s privileged perch on a hill overlooking Buffalo Park.

It wasn’t enough that the members could watch all the live cricket they wanted in the comfort of their club, and without having to bother with buying a ticket. They wanted the view, too. To hell with spectators who would benefit from being better informed about the match.

The club’s ownership of the ground gave them a false, unpaid for and unearned sense of entitlement and superiority over the wishes and needs of the ticket-buying thousands who thronged the grass banks and stands on big match days.

This was deep in the dark 1990s, when Buffs’ membership was even whiter than the make-up of the teams who played at the foot of the hill and the crowds who watched them. Then, clubs like Buffs, which had until recently been physically, mentally and emotionally ensconced in the bosom of the apartheid establishment, were seen and saw themselves as bastions of the old order.

You want fairness? Democracy? Something closer to unity? What you hoped would soon be reality? Rather join United or Willows in Buffalo Flats and Mdantsane, brown and black areas of East London. And, if you’re white, be satisfied and shut up. Not many years earlier and you would have had the security police asking whether you were a communist or a terrorist, or both — they were the same thing for the goons, anyway — for wanting to play cricket with and against people who were not white. Or the cops would not have bothered to ask before they took you away. Buffs and their ilk was not for you and your ilk. Exactly the same people, and their enablers, among them members of clubs like Buffs, demanded that sport and politics be kept strictly separate. 

So you wonder what the membership of Buffs club thought while they watched the second men’s ODI between South Africa and West Indies on Saturday. These days they keep themselves apart from the hoi polloi not with the help of repressive legislation but with a sturdy fence that runs across the hill horizontally, marking out where the club’s lawns end and Buffalo Park begins. The membership is less white than it used to be but it is still attuned to affluence über alles, even though it can no longer shut itself off from reality.

Only seven of the 24 people — umpires included — who took the field on Saturday were white. Better yet, one black player’s century was followed by another’s: Shai Hope, in his first match as the Windies’ captain, scored 128 and Temba Bavuma made 144, his second hundred for South Africa in as many innings in the wake of his 172 against the same opponents in the Wanderers Test. Both are career-bests for Bavuma.

Many in the crowd were of the same blood as Hope and Bavuma. They availed themselves of the wide expanse of lawn on the outside of the unusually shrunken boundaries in an all-dancing, all-singing carnival of cricket-watching. The magical melody of Zizojika Izinto, an isiXhosa hymn and struggle song, poured through them many more times than once.

The singing and dancing rose and fell and rose again even as it became apparent to these proper cricket people — they and their forebears have been part of the game in South Africa since they encountered it at colonial mission schools in the Eastern Cape hinterland some 180 years ago — that only Bavuma stood between South Africa and defeat. 

It was one thing for Hope to bat with verve through stands of 86 with Nicholas Pooran, 80 with Rovman Powell, and a mad dash of 42 off 22 with Alzarri Joseph; quite another for Bavuma to hobble on one-and-a-half legs — he hurt himself in the field — through 41.2 overs to play with such authority and urgency.

Bavuma and Quinton de Kock put on 76 before South Africa’s captain shared 61 with Tony de Zorzi. Of the 49 realised in the company of Lungi Ngidi, Bavuma scored 36. Ngidi, a tailender’s tailender, was inspired enough to heave Akeal Hosein over midwicket for six. The West Indians, having piled up 335/8 — their highest ODI total against South Africa — probably knew they had the game won, especially as the wickets mounted. But Bavuma kept the possibility of an improbable victory at least half alive.

“The ball before I got out, I said to Lungi, ‘If we can get two 15-run overs here, we can get them to panic,’” Bavuma said during his television interview. Only when he flapped at Joseph and gloved a catch behind, the ninth wicket down, was the issue put beyond doubt. Two balls later South Africa were dismissed 48 short.

Starting with his 109 in an ODI against England in Bloemfontein on January 29, Bavuma has scored three centuries in seven innings for South Africa and twice passed 50 in five trips to the domestic crease. In his previous dozen innings his 65 in the Boxing Day Test at the MCG was his only half-century and his highest score. Where were all the runs coming from? 

“My mind is a lot more clear as to what I’m trying to do and how I’m trying to do it,” Bavuma told a press conference. “I’m feeding off the confidence I’m getting from the players as well as the new coaches [Shukri Conrad and Rob Walter]. I’m just enjoying my cricket.”

Hope, in his press conference, said of Bavuma’s effort: “He deserved to win the game, playing an innings like that. But there can only be one winner.”

Along with Bavuma’s and his own batting, Hope also enjoyed the crowd: “They were amazing. That’s something that we as West Indians appreciate as well. We know people want to come and see good cricket, and cricket is also a party in the Caribbean.”

Little wonder Zizojika Izinto had kept ringing around the ground. The song’s title translates as “Things will turn around”. Up at Buffs Club, the members knew things had indeed turned around. And not only because they could see, instead of waves lapping onto Eastern Beach, the feats of people like Hope and Bavuma writ large on the scoreboard. The Windies captain was wrong: sometimes there’s more than one winner.

Cricbuzz

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Contextless contest for South Africa, West Indies

“You want to keep that good thing going. But you can’t ignore the fact that this is a big year from a 50-over point of view.” – Temba Bavuma says Test success won’t win the ODI series.

Telford Vice / Cape Town

“SMALL earthquake in Peru, no-one killed.” That, junior journalists in South Africa used to be told by grizzled, hard-hearted editors, would be the definitive headline on the definition of a non-story. The men’s ODI series between South Africa and West Indies, which starts in East London on Thursday, presents a sporting equivalent: three games not in the World Cup Super League (WCSL) schedule. What’s the point?

The problem with inventing a mechanism to give cricket context, of which the WCSL is a prime example, is that games that do not fall within its ambit are rendered irrelevant and redundant. Talking about prime examples, this series is exhibit A.

Maybe the closest we can get to a reason for the rubber to be played is that it offers the South Africans time to tune up for their two games against the Netherlands in the coming weeks — which are indeed WCSL fixtures — and the West Indians a chance to accustom themselves to conditions similar to those they will encounter in the World Cup qualifier in Zimbabwe in June and July.

The outcome of another WCSL series, between New Zealand and Sri Lanka on March 25, 28 and 31, has a direct bearing on whether South Africa will qualify directly for the World Cup in India in October and November, or join the Windies in Zimbabwe. There’s a delicious tension in the South Africans playing their first match against the Dutch on the same day — but hours afterwards — that the Kiwis and Lankans complete their rubber.

Both South Africa and West Indies have new normals to get used to in the next few days. Rob Walter will be on hand for the first time as the home side’s white-ball coach. His appointment was announced on January 16, but Shukri Conrad, his Test counterpart, took care of the shop during the ODI series against England in the last week of February. Or while Walter was still in New Zealand, where he had coached since 2016.

Temba Bavuma told a press conference in East London on Wednesday that the transition had been smooth: “The chats are a continuation of what we had during the ODI series against England. As much as Rob wasn’t there, he was interacting and actively involved with the guys. It’s a matter of using that same language and using this opportunity against West Indies to refine our way of playing.”

Shai Hope has played 161 matches for West Indies across the formats, but this will be his first game as captain. Might it unsettle him that the man he replaced at the wheel, Nicholas Pooran, is also in the squad? As is Rovman Powell, Hope’s vice-captain, who has led the Windies in three ODIs and a T20I.

South Africa’s men’s team were last in East London for an ODI in October 2017. West Indies have played only two games of any sort here, most recently an ODI in January 2015. But both teams can rest assured that not much about the conditions has changed. The pitch promises to be slow and the bounce low, and there will be wind. 

Totals of at least 300 have eluded teams in Buffalo Park’s last five list A games, which have delivered two centuries and two hauls of four or more wickets. This is not a place to play pretty cricket, but it does tend to bring out the best in those who win here. Even in matches devoid of context.

When: March 16, 2023; 1pm Local Time (4.30pm IST)

Where: Buffalo Park, East London

What to expect: A sleepy surface that could be granted a spike of life by an 80% forecast for rain on Wednesday night. That’s mitigated by the patchy history of drainage at this ground.

Team news:

South Africa: There’s a lot going on here. Wiaan Mulder and Keshav Maharaj have been withdrawn because of a side strain and a ruptured Achilles. Wayne Parnell, himself a squad replacement for Mulder, has come down with an illness but managed to train on Wednesday. Consequently, Marco Jansen and Tabraiz Shamsi have been added to the squad. Sisanda Magala has split the webbing on his bowling hand. Andile Phehlukwayo is battling lower back spasms. Kagiso Rabada and Anrich Nortjé have been rested, as has Aiden Markram — but only for the first two games. David Miller, who is playing in the PSL, is available only for the third match.

Possible XI: Temba Bavuma (capt), Quinton de Kock, Reeza Hendricks, Tony de Zorzi, Heinrich Klaasen, Tristan Stubbs, Wayne Parnell, Gerald Coetzee, Lungi Ngidi, Bjorn Fortuin, Tabraiz Shamsi

West Indies: Unlike their opponents, there’s little to report. Everyone in the squad is fit and well and available for selection.

Possible XI: Shai Hope (capt), Kyle Mayers, Nicholas Pooran, Brandon King, Roston Chase, Shamarh Brooks, Rovman Powell, Keacy Carty, Jason Holder, Shannon Gabriel, Yannic Cariah 

What they said:

“You want to keep that good thing going. But you can’t ignore the fact that this is a big year from a 50-over point of view. That’s the main priority.” — Temba Bavuma on transferring Test success to ODIs.  

“The qualifiers are just down the road but the main focus for now is the South Africa series. We definitely need to qualify for the World Cup. Everything we do now is geared towards that.” — Shai Hope outlines the West Indian mindset.

Cricbuzz

Different dreams on SA’s fields

“You’ve got to give players a sense of belief. There’s talent here, but it’s about how it’s nurtured.” – Paul Adams, Eastern Cape Iinyathi coach 

Telford Vice | Cape Town

“GOOD morning uncle.” Even if you’re of the applicable demographic, it isn’t often you’re greeted so kindly by an official on arrival at a cricket ground. But, in the South African context, Boland Park in Paarl isn’t an ordinary ground.

It has ushers, for a start. They’re all young, all impeccably mannered, and all brown. And they offer warm hellos to visiting strangers, uncle-aged reporters included. This is no accident.

Unlike the country’s other international venues in residential areas, the ground is in the bosom of a district not dominated by whites. Consequently most of those who work there and watch cricket there could live as close as across the road. That’s not the case at other venues, where workers are invariably black or brown and crowds mostly white, and some of the realities of the most unequal society on earth are in your face, whatever colour it is.

Compared to Newlands and the Wanderers, Boland Park is squat and dusty and lacking in facilities. But what it does have is thoroughly utilised and dutifully maintained.

What it doesn’t have is the bilious pomposity that pervades the Cape Town’s concourses and the feral behaviour that stalks the stands in Johannesburg. Paarl’s ground is of its people and their place in the world, and that makes all the difference. Something like togetherness — to call it unity would be too optimistic — is apparent as you pass through the gates. It is a place of excellence — brown excellence, into the bargain — led by the union’s impressive chief executive, James Fortuin. It’s difficult not to believe good things are happening there. Might those good things cross the boundary this season?

If they do, Boland could reach hitherto unscaled heights. They weren’t a force on either side of the racial divide before unity, and thereafter finished in the bottom half of the standings more often than not and stone last four times. In the franchise era they were lumped into the Cobras, whose XIs were dominated by Western Province players.

The six franchises were unbundled before the start of this season, when 15 provincial teams split into divisions of eight and seven will play in the major competitions. Which province goes where was revealed in March by former ICC chief executive David Richardson, who led a four-person committee tasked by CSA with overseeing the bidding process.   

“Boland have a tremendous fan base down in their region, especially among the coloured community,” Richardson said in explaining the decision to award the province first-division status. “They have a true love for cricket; there is a cricket culture in the region. They have a stadium of very good quality, and they are very ambitious when it comes to the development of that stadium. Their development pathways are excellent, and they’ve produced results. They have produced players who contribute to the franchise system and their provincial team has done well consistently over the last four years.”

All good. Now for the hard part: competing. We will start to find out whether Boland will do so on Monday, when they play their first match in the T20 knockout competition that began on Friday. The Bolanders will be up against Eastern Province (EP), who have clung to the title of the franchise they used to be part of, the Warriors. Boland will be known as the Rocks. And thereby hangs a tale.

Bjorn Fortuin, Henry Davids and Ferisco Adams were the only Boland-born players in the Paarl Rocks squad who won the 2019 Mzansi Super League (MSL) with the help of stars like Faf du Plessis and Tabraiz Shamsi. But the crowd took them to heart and, unsurprisingly, the atmosphere at the ground during the tournament outdid even the Highveld’s electrical thunderstorms. Add a successful home final against a Tshwane Spartans outfit that bristled with AB de Villiers and Morné Morkel, and the fairytale wrote itself. The Rocks coach was Adrian Birrell.

“On the back of [the 2019 MSL triumph], they offered me the job,” Birrell told Cricbuzz about his appointment to coach Boland this season. He spoke from Hampshire’s bus as it trundled homeward after Lancashire beat them by a solitary wicket at Aigburth in Liverpool to snuff out the southerners’ hopes of winning the county championship. Five days earlier Birrell’s team had gone down by two wickets to Somerset in the T20 semi-finals. “There’s a lot of pressure to win in England,” he said, adding that he was “exhausted” but also “excited” about the new shape of the game in South Africa.

“Six teams or 66 players [at the top level] is too few; eight teams is a good number,” Birrell said. One of the benefits should be to curb what he called “quite an exodus” of players from the country: “If you look at the associates, you see a hell of a lot of South Africans. Our excellent school system produces too many players for our game. I know this is only two more teams, but it will help.”

The lower levels of international cricket are littered with South Africans: Davy Jacobs in Canada, Gareth Berg in Italy, Roelof van der Merwe in the Netherlands, Dane Piedt in the US, Johann Potgieter in Scotland, and many more. Quotas always come into this conversation, but that is a red herring. Closer to the truth, as Birrell said, is that the engine — the country’s elite schools — produces too much horsepower for the machine it has been assigned to power: the professional game, which is small and impoverished.

Until this season, Boland were minnows even in that pond. Signing Birrell and marquee players like Stiaan van Zyl, Hardus Viljoen, Kyle Abbott and Janneman and Pieter Malan should change that. “The intention is to compete; we’re not there to make up the numbers,” Birrell said.

The opposite is true some 900 kilometres east of Paarl. “The evaluation committee has no doubt as to the potential of the Border cricket region, and its importance to the overall transformation imperative,” Richardson said in March. “Black Africans have played cricket for a long time. They know cricket, they love cricket. A successful Border region is imperative if cricket in South Africa is going to be sustainable in the long run. Unfortunately over the last few years they’ve had issues with governance and administration. Their finances are not strong and their cricket performances are not strong. They are a hotbed of talent and they have contributed players to the franchise system. But I don’t think they’ve fully exploited their potential yet.”

Border — who will be called the Eastern Cape Iinyathi, the isiXhosa word for buffalo — have been consigned to the second division. Former Cobras coach Paul Adams will lead their backroom staff. “It’s a new beginning to bring purpose to the team,” Adams told Cricbuzz. “You’ve got to give them a sense of belief. There’s talent here, but it’s about how it’s nurtured.” 

Compared to the coolly confident Birrell, Adams’ tone was that of a firefighter who reckoned he could bring a damaging blaze under control. 

The Rocks and the Iinyathi play each other in the T20 competition in Kimberley next Tuesday in what could be conjured as a clash of civilisations. Aside from assembling a prominent dressing room, in the past five weeks alone the Rocks have announced sponsorships from an online betting company, a manufacturer of canopies for pick-up trucks, and a jam-maker. The Iinyathi haven’t been heard from since May, when they unveiled Adams as coach.

Buffalo Park in East London, where Border are based, also isn’t ordinary in the South African context. For some, it is a lacklustre ground bookended by a cemetery and a ravine that swarms with lethal snakes, and where a constant howling wind makes lanyards ping against metal flagpoles unrelentingly. For others, particularly cricket’s black players and followers, it is the Mecca where Makhaya Ntini first sprang to national prominence. Thus it is, in its own way, a field of dreams.

Some will see irony in the fact that Birrell — who is steeped in the Eastern Cape, where he was born, raised and schooled and still farms when he isn’t coaching — has migrated across the country while Adams, every inch a Capetonian, has made the journey in the opposite direction. How did Adams end up there? “It’s about where the opportunities are; I must have had about seven interviews to land a role somewhere.”

Better there than at Gauteng, whose Lions were surprise casualties after the opening round of T20 fixtures. Unfancied South Western Districts lost to them but prevailed over Western Province (WP) and the Northern Cape Heat to top pool A. WP downed the Lions by two runs and three other games were decided in the final over. The Lions needed a super over to beat the Heat, who lost all three of their games — perhaps partly because they were clad in black in 30-degree, well, heat. Zubayr Hamza batted with panache for his 63-ball 106 in the opening match, and Hershell America — yes, really — claimed seven wickets at 10.57 in a dozen overs.

With CSA-branded stumps and a naked white rope for a boundary, the unsponsored tournament could be considered another of the suits’ failures. But that would be to disrespect the cricket it has delivered, which has been competitive and, usually, of a decent standard.

That’s the thing about dreams: they can come true on any field. All it takes, as Adams said, is belief.

First published by Cricbuzz.

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How to get out of jail? Ask a jailer

“Having watched him, the way he used to bowl, he has given me a lot of confidence as a young player knowing someone like that is now on my journey.” – Lungi Ngidi on Charl Langeveldt.

TELFORD VICE in Cape Town

IN Charl Langeveldt’s previous life he was a prison warder. So he knows all about getting out of jail. And how to transfer his knowledge of escapology to the bowlers he now coaches. South Africa benefitted greatly from those skills at Buffalo Park in East London on Wednesday, when they won a match they should have lost.

England needed 50 off the last six overs to win the first T20. By then Jason Roy had sent 36 balls careening into the night for his unbeaten 66. Eoin Morgan’s 23 not out had come off 19 deliveries. Both seemed intent on taking their team home with plenty of balls to spare. Surely Joe Denly, Ben Stokes, Moeen Ali, Tom Curran and Chris Jordan would, between them, score what Roy and Morgan didn’t? And without having to resort to Adil Rashid and Mark Wood. So how did England shamble to 176/9? They choked.

“These type of wins, we want to be able to scrape them in the big events,” Temba Bavuma said of the only one-run defeat yet inflicted on England in their 115 matches in the format, and with a view to the T20 World Cup in Australia in October and November. “We know we’re going to be called upon to do that. The best time to start is against top teams like England.”

As big a role as England played in their downfall, it was up to South Africa to do the necessary once the rabbits were frozen in the headlights. Enter Langeveldt. Of the 90 deliveries bowled by South Africa’s seamers, more than half — 49 — were slower balls. Some were off-cutters, some leg-cutters, some tumbled down the pitch out of the back of the hand.

One, quite beautifully bowled by Dale Steyn, was still above Jonny Bairstow’s eyeline in the two metres before it reached him. Then it dropped like a dead pigeon, forcing Bairstow to stab his bat directly downward to keep the damned thing away from his pads and his wicket. Steyn smiled in wonder. Bairstow smiled in desperation. Umpire Adrian Holdstock smiled with relief that he didn’t have to decide whether the ball would have hit the stumps.

Beuran Hendricks wasn’t used until the 15th over. Dwaine Pretorius didn’t bowl at all. That prompted the conservatives — some of them on SuperSport’s commentary team — to protest, even after the match was won. Can they not take yes for an answer? Because they once played international cricket doesn’t mean they understand how international cricket is played now. When next they get the chance to talk to Langeveldt, they could do worse than learn from him so they don’t expose their ignorance and arrogance.

The bowlers won Wednesday’s game; Langeveldt’s bowlers. He forged a career not by bruising batters into submission in the time-honoured South African way but by seizing on the small things — a smidgen of swing, a modicum of movement, an attitude of all’s good — to do big things. He found ways to win matches, particularly with the white ball. Langeveldt’s 100 ODI wickets amount to a touch more than a quarter of Shaun Pollock’s South Africa record of 387. But Pollock bowled 2,571.4 overs and Langeveldt 581.3. That’s 11,941 more deliveries for Pollock, or almost four-and-a-half times as many opportunities as Langeveldt had.

Lungi Ngidi was 14 years old when Langeveldt played the last of his 87 games for South Africa in October 2010. Almost 10 years on at Buffalo Park on Wednesday, a taller, faster, blacker version of Langeveldt, who looked a lot like Ngidi, not only defended seven off the last over but had Curran caught in the deep with an off-cutter and conjured a breathlessly paceless delivery to nail Moeen’s off stump.

“He’s had a massive impact in terms of the mental side,” Ngidi said of Langeveldt’s influence. “Having watched him, the way he used to bowl, he has given me a lot of confidence as a young player knowing someone like that is now on my journey. He has made sure I back the skills that I’m good at. Where someone else would say maybe a change of [the type of] ball was needed or maybe a yorker, [he says] stick to what’s working. And it worked out just fine.”

Langeveldt’s was easily the least heralded of the appointments South Africa made in December. The headlines were reserved largely for Graeme Smith, Mark Boucher and Jacques Kallis. That they had bigger playing careers than Langeveldt is beyond question. They loom larger in the memory of South Africans who remember a time when the game was in better shape. They are the poster boys for an improved present. They carry a heavier share of the hopes for a brighter future. But what do they know about getting out of jail? 

First published by Cricbuzz.

Leading Edge: Pakistan couldn’t be boring if they tried. And they won’t try

The faster and more furiously the Fantastic Four thundered at Charlie Chaplin the more he smiled, widened his eyes and waggled his head.

Sunday Times

TELFORD VICE in London

HE was drunk, surely. What other explanation could there be for the giddy spectacle unfolding before our disbelieving eyes. Few of his strokes made much sense, not in the received wisdom of how to hit a cricket ball anything like properly and not according to the science that explained which muscles did what in the human body.

But one stroke made no sense at all. His backside stuck out towards square leg, his head wobbled uncertainly somewhere past the line of his off stump, he kept his elbows tucked into his ribs, and only the very edges of his heels were on the ground at the fateful moment. He looked like a poorly erected tent a moment away from collapse.

And yet, and still, and somehow the ball scythed, utterly deliberately, through a gap of perhaps two metres between the fielders at gully and point and kept going, all along the ground, all the way to the boundary.

He played that … whatever it was … and all his other whatever they were having fetched his splayed front foot from outside leg stump, crooked his skinny arms, and aimed his soup strainer of a moustache squarely an attack studded with Allan Donald, Fanie de Villiers, Meyrick Pringle and Brian McMillan. It was Charlie Chaplin versus the Fantastic Four.

The faster and more furiously they thundered at him the more he smiled, widened his eyes and waggled his head. Several times, for no discernible reason, he threw back that crazy head of his and sent a laugh looping into the sky.  

Pissed as a coot. Had to be. Thing is, he stayed sloshed for the best part of four hours, twiddled his ’tache at 144 balls and scored 107.

He was Javed Miandad at Buffalo Park in East London on February 15, 1993, and he was beautiful.

The profanity in pads was followed by the sacred swing of Wasim Akram, who took the new ball and with it 5/16 in 31 deliveries. He wasn’t as much fun to watch as Miandad but his brilliance was arresting. No-one in attendance would have been at all surprised had Wasim bowled a ball that took all three stumps out of the ground and then changed course to skip clear across the Indian Ocean, its waves lapping nearby Eastern Beach, all the way back to Pakistan.

Also at Buffalo Park, not quite two years later, Waqar Younis ended New Zealand’s innings with a hattrick — Chris Harris, Chris Pringle and Richard de Groen, all bowled, all bamboozled, all made to look silly by balls that veered every which way, and at pace. You fancied you could hear relief emanating from the dressingroom, where the likes of Ken Rutherford and Stephen Fleming would have been quietly grateful that they hadn’t had to face those deliveries. 

More than any other team, Pakistan come to entertain, and to give you reasons to remember them. And they don’t do so only on the field.

Younis Khan’s pronouncements at press conferences were bits of sentences bound tightly together by the most irrisistable enthusiasm and fired staccato style in what may or may not have been something fairly close to English.

In Bulawayo during the 2003 World Cup, Younis and Inzamam-ul-Haq came close to blows in the wake of an over eager tackle in what should have been a warm and fuzzy game of pre-training session football.

Shoaib Akhtar went further in the dressingroom at St George’s Park in 2007, using a bat to hit a teammate. 

Most infamously, from what we know about what Pakistan have got up to in Southern Africa, in 1998 Mohammad Akram and Saqlain Mushtaq said they were beaten up and mugged outside the Pakistan team’s Joburg hotel. Actually, they had paid the painful price for getting snarky with the heavies at a couple of strip clubs.

The racist slur Sarfraz Ahmed slung at Andile Phehlukwayo at Kingsmead the other day was not at all entertaining, but it was in the tradition of Pakistan refusing to be boring.

They couldn’t be if they tried, not that are likely to try anytime soon.